Feelings Are Not Facts: What a Driver Who Flipped Me Off Taught Me About Emotional Triggers

I was in a great mood. It was the end of the day, the sun was shining, and I was on my way to pick up my kids from school, music playing, feeling pretty “all right.” Just a regular moment — until it wasn’t.

Out of nowhere, a driver coming from the opposite direction gave me the finger.

What?

I was in my lane. I wasn’t speeding. I was just… driving. Minding my own business. And yet here was this angry gesture, completely unprovoked.

Has something like this ever happened to you? Maybe not while driving — maybe at work, at school, online — where you're doing nothing out of the ordinary, and suddenly someone else’s negativity crashes into your day. A stranger’s reaction, a rude comment, a cold glance — and suddenly you're spiraling.

In that moment, I had all the feels.First came confusion: “Was I doing something wrong? Were my high beams on? Did I swerve?”Then guilt and self-doubt: “Did I mess up again? Is there something wrong with me — or my car?”Then came the shift into anger: “What a jerk. What’s his problem? Loser.”

One second. That’s all it took for my nervous system to kick into high gear and my thoughts to race. A stranger’s hand gesture threatened to hijack my whole day.

But here’s the therapeutic gold: Feelings are not facts.

My thoughts felt true, but they weren’t necessarily real. Just because I felt ashamed didn’t mean I had done something wrong. Just because I felt angry didn’t mean I had to act on it or hold onto it.

Here’s where the therapy comes in:

• Cognitive Reframing (from CBT):

  
  

  Instead of assuming the worst — “I must’ve done something to deserve that” — I reminded myself: “There could be a hundred other explanations.” Maybe he was mad at someone else. Maybe he was talking to someone in the car. Maybe… he was just having a bad day.

• Mindfulness:

  
  

  I noticed the emotion rising and labeled it: “This is shame. This is frustration.” Naming feelings helps create space between stimulus and response. It gave me a choice.

• Visualization Tool:

  
  

  I pictured myself in a clear bubble — letting the bad bounce off and only the good come in. A simple technique that reminded me I didn’t have to absorb someone else’s stuff.

We can’t always control what happens around us — but we can learn to recognize our emotional reactions and choose what we do with them. So the next time something unexpected threatens to throw you off course, try asking:

• What am I telling myself right now?

• Is that thought 100% true?

• What would I say to a friend in this same situation?

Sometimes, the best act of self-care is not letting someone else’s story become yours.